Tobie2 was born a poor German child…
with a spanish accent. Although she couldn’t quite roll her R’s right, which is why she never became a pirate.
With her pirate aspirations dashed, Tobie shifted her energies to bank robbery. This quickly landed her in prison where she signed up for vocational rehab and studied both belt making and video editing.
While belt making would have been the more lucrative of vocations, video editing quickly became her passion. She worked tirelessly in the art of video editing while serving her time in prison. She became a trusted member of the prison employees while perfecting her art using the video from the prison’s surveillance system. She was allowed to edit all the fights, murders, (a few porn movies) and whatever else she could find on the surveillance tapes to gain skills in all different area of movie making. With her editing skills, good behavior, (and a blackmail tape), she was granted an early release and walked into the world armed with a new passion for film, new editing skills, and, of course…
…her hair.
In Tobie’s free time she loved to gamble. She thoroughly enjoyed playing poker with the tough dudes and high rollers. One day when she met a few of her friends in Vegas for the day she became enthralled with a new game that grabbed at her heart and took over her life with a vengeful addiction. This game was different than holding cards and outwitting bluffs. This was pushing buttons with ringing whistles, bells, and lights galore. The seat she sat in was interactive. It had speakers in the head of the chair, and vibrated (which Tobie REALLY LIKED — kaff). When the bonus game was triggered she would get “SEVEN FREE SPINS” and go KAHRAZY!!! MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!! She had to choose who she was playing as, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, or Dorothy. She would NEVER choose the girlie Dorothy with the ruby red shoes, but her friend kept telling her to “CHOOSE DOROTHY!!” to no avail. Tobie sat in the chair at the Wizard of Oz game, drinking a few Bud Light Limes (or some other 64 calorie beer – hee hee) for 18 days. The gaming commission finally came and wrestled the delirious Tobie off the machine and to the hospital for a psych evaluation and gambling therapy. She eventually recovered but if ever she goes missing for a few days that’s where her wife looks first. (Some of this is true — guess which parts?) This is a You tube video of the game in this story –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDQrWWW466c
But we digress….its what she does…
What her friend did not know is…..she could not choose Dorothy…..she could never choose Dorothy…
About twice a year, long lost relatives come back to visit their distant cousin who is of German extract who inherited their most cherished and desired trait…the relatives can’t figure out why she keeps pointing cameras to the sky when they are only trying to get a look at her hair so they can report back to their not so distant galaxy.
What Tobie didn’t know however, was that her new gold phone was being hacked by certain British journalists who were selling all her secrets to twish1999 so that she could make a new genre of ‘hair raising’ videos about her….
In Tobies spare time she enjoys sniffing glue,, This causes the uncontrolable hand gestures that she does,, She Calls them international hand gestures for words, but we all know it is from the effects of the glue sniffing,, She started with Elmers Glue while she was a poor child in Germany,, and graduated to Crazy glue during her college days,,,, hence the constant digressing. She also enjoys the scent of sweaty arm pits,, I hear that is her favorite scent.
As a matter of fact… Tobie has placed several armpit scented air fresheners in scattered goecaches in her area. Her local geocaching club is attempting to have her gps and phone blocked so she can no longer find new geocaches in her area, either that or put up fake coordinates so that she wanders aimlessly looking for microcaches in really gross public gas station washrooms.
Tobie has many and varied interests that do not include her hair such as…
checking inside her jumpers for insects, and sitting in the dark at the gynaecologists. However she was determined to take up an active sport so she decided to use her pool to practice scuba diving but the only pretty thing that she found at the bottom of her pool was a…
white bottle cap with a series of numbers inside it. Her first thought was to throw it away but she decided to look up the number inside the cap on her computer.
Drenched and parched she dried off with her souvenir Rosie O’Donnell beach towel, got a beer and headed to her office.
She wasn’t sure where the cap came from but she decided to lookup coke.com and found a place to input some numbers. She entered the coke cap numbers on the website and….
then suddenly her screen flashed and said……. “I am a traveler of both time and space to be where I have been.” I gasped in shock. I asked “Who are you? What are you? Please give me more info!” and then a loud voice came out of the speakers and said…. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
But what does that have to do with your assignment?
My hands started to shake. Not sure what that all meant. Was it a Signal? A Vision? Her path to least resistance? or was it that crazy guy that sit”s outside the local 7-11 at 3 in the afternoon with a bottle of beer in one hand and a empty container of tictacs singing “My humps, My humps, My lovely lady humps” Was it him? I aks myself.. Cause that what I do! Did he finally get in her head? Suddenly I jump up and grab my Garmin, the Iphone and the secret bag that I alway wondered where it came from and dashed outside to my car. My phone stated to vibrate but not in that normal vibration that I am used too. A new one… sounded almost like morse code. I picked up my phone and there it was…. Geocaching for beginners… The secret to finding “Wolf..Wolf”
which in English it translates to “Ruff Ruff”
I reach my hand into the almost empty green mystery bag… Feeling around….. as if by instinct I know whats in it. I smile while pulling out the telescoping mirror….. then screamed loudly…. “I now understand……My Circle Is Complete”. Driving towards the…..
sun with the top down, the wind blowing through her hair with the Rosie Show Blaring loudly, So loudly she can’t hear the sirens of the two officers on motorcycles pulling her over. She suddenly sees a helicopter off in the distance coming towards her. She looks in her rear view mirror and says The kids on tubes will never believe this…. She slowes her now car down to a dull roar and gets into the slow lane. Hoping, Wishing, Begging that they will pass, they don’t. They follow her ever move. She pulls into the Emergency lane and shuts off the engine, while adjusting her seatbelt making sure it was snapped…. she mumbled under her breath…”damn coppers, they may of caught me now…. But they will never find the lengend of….”
.
.
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with a spanish accent. Although she couldn’t quite roll her R’s right, which is why she never became a pirate.
With her pirate aspirations dashed, Tobie shifted her energies to bank robbery. This quickly landed her in prison where she signed up for vocational rehab and studied both belt making and video editing.
While belt making would have been the more lucrative of vocations, video editing quickly became her passion. She worked tirelessly in the art of video editing while serving her time in prison. She became a trusted member of the prison employees while perfecting her art using the video from the prison’s surveillance system. She was allowed to edit all the fights, murders, (a few porn movies) and whatever else she could find on the surveillance tapes to gain skills in all different area of movie making. With her editing skills, good behavior, (and a blackmail tape), she was granted an early release and walked into the world armed with a new passion for film, new editing skills, and, of course… her hair.
In Tobie’s free time she loved to gamble. She thoroughly enjoyed playing poker with the tough dudes and high rollers. One day when she met a few of her friends in Vegas for the day she became enthralled with a new game that grabbed at her heart and took over her life with a vengeful addiction. This game was different than holding cards and outwitting bluffs. This was pushing buttons with ringing whistles, bells, and lights galore. The seat she sat in was interactive. It had speakers in the head of the chair, and vibrated (which Tobie REALLY LIKED — kaff). When the bonus game was triggered she would get “SEVEN FREE SPINS” and go KAHRAZY!!! MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!! She had to choose who she was playing as, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, or Dorothy. She would NEVER choose the girlie Dorothy with the ruby red shoes, but her friend kept telling her to “CHOOSE DOROTHY!!” to no avail. Tobie sat in the chair at the Wizard of Oz game, drinking a few Bud Light Limes (or some other 64 calorie beer – hee hee) for 18 days. The gaming commission finally came and wrestled the delirious Tobie off the machine and to the hospital for a psych evaluation and gambling therapy. She eventually recovered but if ever she goes missing for a few days that’s where her wife looks first. (Some of this is true — guess which parts?) This is a You tube video of the game in this story –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDQrWWW466c
About twice a year, long lost relatives come back to visit their distant cousin who is of German extract who inherited their most cherished and desired trait…the relatives can’t figure out why she keeps pointing cameras to the sky when they are only trying to get a look at her hair so they can report back to their not so distant galaxy.
What Tobie didn’t know however, was that her new gold phone was being hacked by certain British journalists who were selling all her secrets to twish1999 so that she could make a new genre of ‘hair raising’ videos about her….
In Tobies spare time she enjoys sniffing glue,, This causes the uncontrolable hand gestures that she does,, She Calls them international hand gestures for words, but we all know it is from the effects of the glue sniffing,, She started with Elmers Glue while she was a poor child in Germany,, and graduated to Crazy glue during her college days,,,, hence the constant digressing. She also enjoys the scent of sweaty arm pits,, I hear that is her favorite scent.
As a matter of fact… Tobie has placed several armpit scented air fresheners in scattered goecaches in her area. Her local geocaching club is attempting to have her gps and phone blocked so she can no longer find new geocaches in her area, either that or put up fake coordinates so that she wanders aimlessly looking for microcaches in really gross public gas station washrooms.
Tobie has many and varied interests that do not include her hair such as…..
checking inside her jumpers for insects, and sitting in the dark at the gynaecologists. However she was determined to take up an active sport so she decided to use her pool to practice scuba diving but the only pretty thing that she found at the bottom of her pool was a…
white bottle cap with a series of numbers inside it. Her first thought was to throw it away but she decided to look up the number inside the cap on her computer.
Drenched and parched she dried off with her souvenir Rosie O’Donnell beach towel, got a beer and headed to her office.
She wasn’t sure where the cap came from but she decided to lookup coke.com and found a place to input some numbers. She entered the coke cap numbers on the website and….
then suddenly her screen flashed and said……. “I am a traveler of both time and space to be where I have been.” I gasped in shock. I asked “Who are you? What are you? Please give me more info!” and then a loud voice came out of the speakers and said…. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
But what does that have to do with your assignment?
My hands started to shake. Not sure what that all meant. Was it a Signal? A Vision? Her path to least resistance? or was it that crazy guy that sit”s outside the local 7-11 at 3 in the afternoon with a bottle of beer in one hand and a empty container of tictacs singing “My humps, My humps, My lovely lady humps” Was it him? I aks myself.. Cause that what I do! Did he finally get in her head? Suddenly I jump up and grab my Garmin, the Iphone and the secret bag that I alway wondered where it came from and dashed outside to my car. My phone stated to vibrate but not in that normal vibration that I am used too. A new one… sounded almost like morse code. I picked up my phone and there it was…. Geocaching for beginners… The secret to finding “Wolf..Wolf”
which in English it translates to “Ruff Ruff”
I reach my hand into the almost empty green mystery bag… Feeling around….. as if by instinct I know whats in it. I smile while pulling out the telescoping mirror….. then screamed loudly…. “I now understand……My Circle Is Complete”. Driving towards the…..
sun with the top down, the wind blowing through her hair with the Rosie Show Blaring loudly, So loudly she can’t hear the sirens of the two officers on motorcycles pulling her over. She suddenly sees a helicopter off in the distance coming towards her. She looks in her rear view mirror and says The kids on tubes will never believe this…. She slowes her now car down to a dull roar and gets into the slow lane. Hoping, Wishing, Begging that they will pass, they don’t. They follow her ever move. She pulls into the Emergency lane and shuts off the engine, while adjusting her seatbelt making sure it was snapped…. she mumbled under her breath…”damn coppers, they may of caught me now…. But they will never find the lengend of….”